My Covided Jubilee

In the beginning my 75th year, my jubilee of existence, gave me reason to pause. When diagnosed with the condition which killed my mother, I became worried, anxious. Half way into my 75th year, covid appeared on the global landscape.
At first it seemed like any other epidemic, I had measles and mumps and I had caught colds from being in the company of friends and family.
But as February became March it was beginning to feel more pandemic.
The evidence showed that sheltering in place was a sound way of avoiding this illness as it passed through New England. Everything I read said I was particularly vulnerable because I had compromised lungs to begin with–COPD.
My treatment had been very successful. Several months into the did-ease, I was happy to be returning to work. Nonetheless, I was preoccupied with a notion that was providing comfort: solitude.

In my solitude, now called by a different name, social distancing presented itself as the opportunity to take the best care of the condition that I already had. I discovered my inner strength, introversion exerted a powerful force for the creation of Peace. As an extrovert I was excessively using energy. Everything from work to love caused anxiety. Introversion is what I needed to flatten the curve.

As Covid became retirement, my heart beat slowed, my immune system was not perpetually shooting adrenaline into my blood stream. Inconveniences that caused worry, now slipped off of my back and out of my lungs with ease.

Proust the barely read French literary philosopher, suggest that it is adversity and pain that causes the human to grapple with wisdom. We learn best when we have to.

I wish no harm to anyone, but I do wish you enough discomfort that will provide the energy to search for the portal to peace: peace through experience and experience to wisdom. We never know what will blow in on tomorrow’s breeze, but we can be alert to our subjective condition.  Covid and COPD do not mix well.  In my case solitude has gone from a guilty pleasure to a survival mechanism.  As in Buddhism, compassion is the most honored merit badge.  It begins with the self and moves out from the center toward the concentric circles that make up our lives.

#conteplating #nothing #solitude #covid #copd #introvert

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