Shenandoah Spring

Shenandoah Spring

spring in the hills when the snow is still melting and the sun is pulling at life and awakening it to another season

I do understand–

i know the loneliness that beats in the chest….trying to keep
what semblance of a face we have.

Who can get through this life without suffering the pain of loss…

loss dreams, lost people, lost souls. The one kindred
spirit, along with a beautiful face, a fabulous body and eyes as deep as the sea;
is he only around when we arrive at — we are him.

To have all that and delicious sex–well, we would have it all wouldn’t we.

You do have good instincts, except you have been so hurt that little, important
qualities like “hope” and “pardon” are too far suppressed to access. But they are there;
we all see them in you, those of us who have always loved you and will never stop, we will
see them before you do.

You see, hope is not just another feeling, like love, it is not a feeling at all.

Hope, Love, these are beliefs that we have to nurture, to practice, not in front
of anybody or even in front of a mirror, but in those moments when we know our loneliness and when we
are in a crowded room and it seems empty. That is a good time to look
for hope and love….because these words are not feelings, these words are actions
that we take upon the world to hang on by our finger nails when sadness
appears to be all that that we can see.

Believe in your genuine spirit. You do not have to believe in anything else,
just your perception. Do not fight your instincts…they emerge from a
moist and fertile ground, as sure as spring brings the sap to the maple and
the flowers bloom just because it is their time to color the world.

A whiff of the wind and it is gone, a new scent becomes the breath, and
slowly moves across the firmament like a fog of mist on a dewey April morning.

They do not lament the winter….spring does not look forward to summer….
All that we see when we look around our world–not just the people, but the
nature that supports all sentient life, it pushes forth only to the next moment
and when it is its time, it blooms……

I do understand and sometimes i have a very hard time allowing myself
to be here and free from all that I think should have been; and I embrace
the wind one more time, maybe less fervently than the time before; but
I keep a grip because that grip is life and without it I have no hope, but
with it clearly in view, there is a chance that something might change, that i
might change….

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